This just in; drinking 30 percent sugar in moments every day causes weight gain.

Phhft, a make only patriarchy, in the US? !

/S

Can’t we stahp all this wafflin ’ dere, and maybe finish are waffles?

Brunch only comes once a week, don’t 'cha know.

He’s actually made of compressed Cheeto dust.

Thankfully, I’ve never imagined gaining anything from my mom when she passes some day. Thankfully her parents set up a trust so she isn’t homeless, but when she finally gives in to assisted living, those bills will eat whatever is left.

She’s always like, “but I’m leaving you the house!”

The house is full of worthless collectibles and smells terrible after decades of floods and cats. If she got hit by a bus tomorrow I’d probably sell it to one of those seedy We Buy Ugly Houses companies.

It could be useful if you live in a submarine that is always emerging/submerging.

Finally, Peewees Playhouse has found open source representation.

It is common for people to vote Mickey Mouse as a write in for voters that are unhappy with the names on the ballot. Sometimes a humorous Write In gets a decent chunk of the vote.

Edit: https://www.texastribune.org/2013/01/02/voting-mickey-mouse/

I’ve got a Modest Proposal for her.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal

Nothing gets by you.

Not angry at the posters for sharing facts, I’m just Angered by them.

Fucking Christ, did the judge calculate the amount of legally harvestable cord wood on their property as well?

Thankfully nobody in their right mind chooses to live in this state, those that remain were born with a death wish, or since sort of moral ambiguity to life.

Just do as my grandmother did when she baby sat me and give me the child homemade gin until they stop fussing.

Bep bup! German Bot here!

“Das ist richtig” means “That is true”

Like and follow this bot so its creator may someday claw themselves out of the joyless pit they have dug themselves.

: pours one out for every dude that had a GF that lost herself to a Pinterest Interest wall: (or vice versa)

Quickly? Granted, it was over a decade ago, but it took 6-8 years for Myspace to die proper , by my recollection.

I still wish I could bop over there and check in on bands that probably imploded a decade ago.

The child would have to wake up and stand before the shit slide every morning.

Makes a shit ton more sense than Grand Old Party.

At the Science and Industry museum in Chicago they have/had step by step see-through models of a woman’s guts before, during, and after pregnancy.

I took a date there and we had a great time. Arrived at that exhibit and we just stood there for a minute, witnessing how jumbled up the post pregnancy innards were.

I said, “I’ll never do that to you.”

She said, “Thank you.”