I watched Invasion of the Star Creatures because it was only an hour and ten minutes long.
I thought, I can sit through that. How bad can it be? Famous last words, right?
But I should admit, there was another reason I wanted to see this film: I love sci-fi B-movies from the ’50s and ’60s. Roger Corman, anything by American International Pictures—if you know, you know. So, I decided to throw my hat in the ring and give this one a shot.
The most surprising thing? It’s not a straight-up sci-fi film. It’s a comedy in the vein of Abbott and Costello or The Three Stooges—that old-school slapstick humor from the ’30s and ’40s. The actors do their best, but the shtick gets old fast. The premise? Two army privates who are beyond stupid trying to save Earth from aliens. And I mean these privates are *mind-numbingly stupid.* If this were a short SNL sketch, maybe it would be funny. But an hour and ten minutes? Oh, God. I was counting down the seconds.
That said, there is a silver lining: the alien scientist women, played by Dolores Reed and Joanne Arnold (credited as Gloria Victor, but it’s Joanne Arnold). Every time these two are on screen, the movie becomes great. I could listen to them talk about science forever. On top of that, they’re absolute knockouts—both were successful pin-up models in the 1950s. Joanne Arnold was on the cover of Playboy twice in 1954. Dolores Reed, though not as famous, had a stellar modeling career and even appeared in a few solid movies like Hit and Run and Party Girl (though uncredited).
Joanne Arnold, who plays Dr. Puna, is especially charismatic. You can tell she must have been a health nut because even though this movie was made in 1962, she’s still alive today at 93. That’s incredible. Dolores Reed, unfortunately, had a much sadder fate. Invasion of the Star Creatures was her last film—she died at just 30 from a heroin overdose. From what I’ve read, she had a terrible husband who got her hooked. Just a tragic story.
But back to the film. These two women are the best part, hands down. They’re beautiful, smart, funny, and know how to wink at the camera. Meanwhile, the male leads, Robert Ball and Frank Ray Perelli, have the charisma of a vole.
Here’s my biggest gripe: you have these two compelling, talented actresses playing powerful alien scientists, and the ending should have had them triumph. I don’t care if they were trying to conquer Earth—at least they had *ambition*, unlike the useless army bozos. Plus, their goal was to save humanity from nuclear war, so they’re arguably the most *sympathetic* characters in the movie.
But what happens? They fall in love with the bozos. Because they’ve been lonely in space for too long, they settle. And then comes the kicker: the aliens ask what marriage is, and the bozos basically tell them, “It’s like slavery”. And the women just… go along with it. These brilliant, powerful alien scientists become submissive housewives to two absolute duds.
That scene? A kick in the teeth.
Maybe I’m weird, but when I see a talented woman doing incredible things, I want her to keep being awesome—because that’s sexy. Success is sexy. You have alien women who can create life forms out of plants, and they’re just going to sit in the backseat? *Fuck that shit.*
Anyway, I don’t recommend Invasion of the Star Creatures. It’s not worth watching.